Wedding planning: it's not all child's play!

After a short hiatus, it’s good to be back! I have been in a newborn bubble since June, but my daughter has confirmed that she’s happy for mamma to get back in the game! So here is a new blog, talking all things weddings and children. 

When it comes to weddings, everyone has an opinion. Should couples be sat together? Does that distant cousin get a plus one? Is it a good idea to have evening guests? 

And then there’s the children issue… 

Should children be included in the day or should it be a child-free zone? This is arguably one of the most polarising questions when it comes to planning your wedding because it can feel really hard to find a middle ground and people tend to have very strong viewpoints on the matter.

On one side, you have the argument that weddings should be about families joining together and that a parade of page boys and flower girls will put a smile on guests' faces. Some people feel that children should be an integral part of the celebrations and love nothing more than to see a gaggle of toddlers rolling around on the dance floor. 

Also in the pro-kids corner are the parents who are limited on childcare options. Maybe they haven’t got family or friends available to look after their little ones, or their children are still too teeny to be away from them for too long. This can be a difficult one to navigate because it’s hard to bend the ‘rules’ on a case by case basis.

In stark contrast, you have couples that just want their wedding to be an adult only affair. They probably want their guests to enjoy the day without parental responsibilities and they would rather avoid a sudden ear piercing cry during their vows. It doesn’t mean these couples don’t like children. They just don’t feel that weddings are the right environment  for them.

In my opinion, there’s no right or wrong answer. Ultimately, a wedding day is about the couple getting married and all guests (including immediate family) should respect their choices and decisions. Being invited as a guest doesn’t mean you suddenly have the right to dictate how the day runs and if decisions have been made that make it too tricky for you to attend, then you can politely decline and understand that it was almost definitely nothing personal! 

But is there a middle ground? Well, if you’re really struggling to make a decision on this one, there are options available.

The phrase ‘babes in arms’ is becoming increasingly common on wedding invitations and simply means that very young infants (usually under 18 months) are exempt from an adult-only policy. For many, this feels like a reasonable caveat that allows new parents a bit more flexibility. You could also get a bridesmaid or groomsman to direct the relevant parents to chairs with easy access to the exits, making it clear that you’re happy for them to pop in and out as and when needed. This will allow them to make a sneaky escape mid-ceremony if their baby decides that he/she wants to exercise his/her lungs. 

If you have a little bit of wriggle room in your wedding budget, there are also lots of companies who offer wedding childcare / nanny services. Not all guest will feel comfortable with this, but sharing details on your wedding website will show that you’re being considerate and thinking of ways to support your guests. It also means that children won’t have to sit through the ceremony, which can often be a struggle for smaller tots. 

If you’re feeling super generous (and I by no means think this should be an expectation) you could even take this one step further and provide children’s entertainment in a specific location on-site. Parents can then have the option to dip in and out, knowing that their little ones are occupied, safe and nearby.

If a couple has children of their own and they really want them to play a part in the wedding ceremony itself, there is also a whole host of options that can be explored. As an independent celebrant, I am always happy to include specific dedications to children in my scripts, and to discuss symbolic rituals like sand ceremonies or flower ceremonies, which the children can physically take part in. As with all things, being an independent celebrant means that total flexibility is on offer! 

Ultimately, when it comes to your wedding, don’t be afraid to make the decision that works best for you. Whatever you decide, it won’t matter to the friends that matter.